Lost in You
by Aquiel1
Summary: A "Frank comes home" story. Bare with me! Frank returns to the station and learns Rachel has been killed


Disclaimer: Water Rats and all related material belong to Hal and Southern Star. There, now they can't sue me!

_Lost in You_

By: [Aquiel][1]

  
  


Frank Holloway's entire world came crashing down around his feet the day he stepped back into the Sydney Water Police Headquarters. He smiled and nodded at the young blond as he made his way to the door, a spring in his step he hadn't felt in months. Maybe it was the fact that he'd finally arrived back on dry land-or maybe it was because he was back in the first place. He shrugged it off. They were going to be bloody surprised, he thought.

The door closed behind him with a gentle hiss and for a moment Frank surveyed the scene before him. The hustle and bustle of another day at the office...he certainly hadn't forgotten what that was like. 

He was about to cough slightly to announce his presence when Helen Blakemore finally looked his way. And in an instant her face registered shock at seeing him standing there so casually, to surprise and then to sadness. But it was quickly masked by a universal face he's seen so many times before.

And he knew something had happened.

Helen all but pushed her way toward him and encircled him in a bone crushing hug. "Frank." she whispered and he hugged her back.

"Hey sweet cheeks." he joked, holding her tight. He could feel his heart beat quickening its pace. Maybe it was nerves. But when Helen pulled back, her face once again disobeyed her reassuring touch. All he could do was stare.

*Tell me what's wrong.* his mind pleaded but his voice was unable to convey it to words. *Where's Tommy and Gavin. And Rachel. She should have been here by now, yelling at me for just showing up. Ah, don't tell me she's on vacation or something. I wanted to surprise her*

His mind raced with thoughts; questions and comments, and yet the air around them was silent. Until Helen spoke and changed his life forever.

"I have some bad news." she whispered, her eyes beginning to water. Immediately his hands left Helen's shoulders and took on a mind of their own.

"Rachel's gone."

He instinctively knew "gone" just didn't mean gone away; on vacation or moved on. Gone, in all its glorified status held a finality to it that paled in comparison to anything else in the world.

His Rachel was gone.

Frank's mind was reeling, random thoughts and images running through his consciousness and all the while, he could only whisper, "No...no."

Helen reached for him but he pulled away, turning around. "Don't, no, don't." and his hands went up to cover his ears, trying, if nothing else, than to shut out the sound of his own pitiful crying.

Frank turned away and then back again, looking for a way out; a way back to reality, a road leading out of this hell. But everywhere he turned he could see her, smell her perfume, touch her smooth silky skin. There was no where to run; nowhere he could escape her presence- her memory. And he was crying. A slow cascade of warm tears ran down his cheeks, and he instinctively brushed them away. It was the most irrational thing he'd ever done and yet, he made no attempt to stop. 

This was the most unrealistic, detached feelings he had ever experienced. He knew he wanted to stop crying and ask how and when, but it was as if all rational though had disappeared, leaving a sobbing unconsolable man in its wake.

It was something he had never prepared himself for. As far as he was concerned, Rachel would always be there. She was that one part of his life that had remained a constant these past few years, and now someone was telling him that his rock had been stolen, taken away when he'd needed it, needed her the most.

She was his best friend, the other half of his life, and now that he realized she was gone, it was as if life itself had lost its meaning. Why go on living when your soul mate is no longer beside you, ready to cath you if you fall.

He wasn't there to catch her when she fell. He was drifting across the ocean when she fell to her knees, her heart breaking with every breath. When she needed him the most, he wasn't there to pick her up again, to brush her off and hold her as she cried.

He wasn't even there to say goodbye.

And that knowledge, more than anything gripped at his soul, and etched that permanent mark in his heart. The one that would remind him everyday for the rest of his life that he had let her down.

A quiet sob emerged from his throat as Helen was finally able to put her arms around him, holding him tightly as he grieved. 

He'd missed his chance, missed the one chance that would have enabled him to make something good in his life. It was something he should have done years ago, but he always knew they'd have tomorrow. And even then if it didn't seem quite right, no worries. They still had time. 

He always thought Rachel Goldstein would live forever 

  
  


Ende

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